Assalam alaykum and hello my lovelies. New series that I only update when releasing a series of my feelings like now. I'm crying as I'm typing this but please don't worry. I'll be fine. This year has been filled with lots of things.
I've acted so desperately for what I believed was love. It could be infatuation. But my question is " Do you feel infatuated even when the person you supposedly like and you are distant?"
I promise you as I keep listening to my playlists of sad songs and read my past texts, I cry. I see that desperate girl and I didn't know that I could have turned in to that desperate chick.
The one who told her crush about the crush multiple times. The one that kept reminding him every now and then. The one that hopelessly tried to get over the crush but kept failing and falling.
The one who let her hopes rise. The one who is sitting on her bed right now, hugging her knees and crying her heart out wondering why life hurts.
The one that wishes she wasn't so complicated. The one that wishes that her crush liked her back. That girl. Me. I type this and I wonder why it still hurts. The fact that re-reading her crushes past texts makes her cry.
Wondering why she is so imperfect. Wondering why he couldn't pick her. Wondering why she was so forward. Wondering why she let herself get broken hearted.
Wondering why, oh why, her head hurts so much. Wondering why she's typing this in the first place. She's tired of feeling this. She doesn't want to fall anymore. Not when that crush of hers barely has time for her. Ofcourse its not his fault. He has his life as well.
Wondering why people think she'd be an amazing plan B. Wondering why?
My heart cries through my eyes. I don't want to. The tears keep on pouring without my permission. They seem to be endless.
The funny thing, I don't know why it affects me this much. The fact that I'm not worth the chase at all or the fact that I'm only worth being there when plan A flops.
I'm an emotional rollercoaster. My emotions twist and turn and go through loops. Just because I keep a straight face or the fact that I'm childish doesn't change the fact that you can't see past the façade.
I can't seem to stop wishing for him to care. My emotions are whack right now but I promise you, a few weeks back I was going through a rough couple of days. I only told my close friends. For some weird reason, I feel like he knows.
I feel like he's upset that I wouldn't share it with him because he knows I trust him a lot. I hate looking weak and this makes me think I'm weak. I dont want him to see what I call my weakness. I rather sit down and cry, my knees to my chest, my head between my knees.
I'm stupid you know. I knew he didn't reciprocate my feelings, yet I let my hopes rise. I smile through the tears right know, I've lost my mind haven't I? But I felt that he could as we gradually grew closer.
I guess my heart was biased don't you think? I can't even control my heart so as much as I want to say that I'll focus wholly on studies, that is a lie. I'm smiling again. I'm thinking of the moments I spent with him even if just as friends and I'm not willing to let them go. They're a part of me as much as it hurts.
I'll live with the pain with the hope that it will lessen over some months. This blog post is dedicated to those people like me with overwhelming feelings, or crying marathons like mine. I wonder if I'll finally be able to sleep after this.
Anyways, my lovelies borahae💜🌹. Allah hafeez and feel free to comment and share. Also my e-mail is available on my profile page for those who would like to personally talk to me. Once again borahae💜, saranghae❤ and Allah hafeez 🌹.
I've acted so desperately for what I believed was love. It could be infatuation. But my question is " Do you feel infatuated even when the person you supposedly like and you are distant?"
I promise you as I keep listening to my playlists of sad songs and read my past texts, I cry. I see that desperate girl and I didn't know that I could have turned in to that desperate chick.
The one who told her crush about the crush multiple times. The one that kept reminding him every now and then. The one that hopelessly tried to get over the crush but kept failing and falling.
The one who let her hopes rise. The one who is sitting on her bed right now, hugging her knees and crying her heart out wondering why life hurts.
The one that wishes she wasn't so complicated. The one that wishes that her crush liked her back. That girl. Me. I type this and I wonder why it still hurts. The fact that re-reading her crushes past texts makes her cry.
Wondering why she is so imperfect. Wondering why he couldn't pick her. Wondering why she was so forward. Wondering why she let herself get broken hearted.
Wondering why, oh why, her head hurts so much. Wondering why she's typing this in the first place. She's tired of feeling this. She doesn't want to fall anymore. Not when that crush of hers barely has time for her. Ofcourse its not his fault. He has his life as well.
Wondering why people think she'd be an amazing plan B. Wondering why?
My heart cries through my eyes. I don't want to. The tears keep on pouring without my permission. They seem to be endless.
The funny thing, I don't know why it affects me this much. The fact that I'm not worth the chase at all or the fact that I'm only worth being there when plan A flops.
I'm an emotional rollercoaster. My emotions twist and turn and go through loops. Just because I keep a straight face or the fact that I'm childish doesn't change the fact that you can't see past the façade.
I can't seem to stop wishing for him to care. My emotions are whack right now but I promise you, a few weeks back I was going through a rough couple of days. I only told my close friends. For some weird reason, I feel like he knows.
I feel like he's upset that I wouldn't share it with him because he knows I trust him a lot. I hate looking weak and this makes me think I'm weak. I dont want him to see what I call my weakness. I rather sit down and cry, my knees to my chest, my head between my knees.
I'm stupid you know. I knew he didn't reciprocate my feelings, yet I let my hopes rise. I smile through the tears right know, I've lost my mind haven't I? But I felt that he could as we gradually grew closer.
I guess my heart was biased don't you think? I can't even control my heart so as much as I want to say that I'll focus wholly on studies, that is a lie. I'm smiling again. I'm thinking of the moments I spent with him even if just as friends and I'm not willing to let them go. They're a part of me as much as it hurts.
I'll live with the pain with the hope that it will lessen over some months. This blog post is dedicated to those people like me with overwhelming feelings, or crying marathons like mine. I wonder if I'll finally be able to sleep after this.
Anyways, my lovelies borahae💜🌹. Allah hafeez and feel free to comment and share. Also my e-mail is available on my profile page for those who would like to personally talk to me. Once again borahae💜, saranghae❤ and Allah hafeez 🌹.
Comments
Post a Comment